Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
