I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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