I cannot find my penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
