I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
