just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
