After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
