so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
