I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
