you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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