I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
