4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
someone get that fucking seahorse.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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