And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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