Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
