you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
