New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
