So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
