Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
