I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize