Soap is not a condiment
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
