Pants 0. Shit 1.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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