yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
