I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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