it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
