i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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