i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
