Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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