K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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