just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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