Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize