pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
