Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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