Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
