Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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