I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize