how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
