i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
