she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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