At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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