this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
