So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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