then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
