maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
