So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
