She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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