I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
