Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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