It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
