I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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