I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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