i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
