Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
