i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She bit a glass in half.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
