Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
