i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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