whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
