Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is classic penis vs brain.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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