Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
