yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
