Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
