i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
