she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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