hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
