I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
