so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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