the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
