i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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