Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
