The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
