when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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