You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
