guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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