I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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